Into the Fray

Sometimes, you must fight your most important battles alone, with no guarantees.

Sometimes, to truly learn to stand alone, you must first face down your greatest fear alone, and win.

Then no one, absolutely no one, may ever steal your victory.

A vexed spirit

I dreamed I was in a meeting. The lady next to me wrote a note and passed it to me,  "You have a vexed spirit."

Yes, I do... Yes I certainly do.

And now that I think about it, it was the older lady I met yesterday who the other captain said was the smartest one there.

Masterchief

So I get to my unit, and I am introduced to my new team.  A tough looking older guy shakes my hand. . . The other Captain laughs and says, Remember Halo? You get the rare privilege to work with a Masterchief, one of the best... he works for you,  but I would listen to him. Masterchief. He may be retired,  but he is still a masterchief. Wow. Thanks guys. . . I guess that proves I'm in the right place. I could not make this stuff up if I tried. 

On the runway

It's a cloudy day and surprisingly cool as we get off the bus in a group outside the C-130. We stand on the runway with our od green duffel bags until the crew has us board.  I note the name of the plane emblazoned boldly with white water rapids on the tail. We are flying on the Niagara.

The NCOs help me with my four bags.  They are heavy,  and one of them makes a face, "Sir, What did you pack! ".

Once we climb inside we sit down on the canvas seats. It is dark inside,  like a cylindrical cave lit by dim small lights overhead.  I'm by the open door so I could feel the propwash, it feels good in my face and ruffles my hair. The crew chief makes his final checks outside. His flight suit is open, and his dog tags dangle free over his sweat stained shirt. 

Our small group sits on bright red webbed seats. I smell that aviation smell of oil and fuel, hear the roaring hum of the propellers and the slight whine of the hydraulic systems inside. We all sit side by side and across from each other. 

I squeeze the little foam ear plugs, roll them into cylinders. They slowly expand in my ears,  muting out the racket into a faint and modulated roar. The crew chief slams the hatch, wipes his red face and the wind goes away. 

We sway as we taxi down the runway going over the cracks between the runaway slabs. The engines thunder, increase pitch. Vibration doubles as they build power.  A jolt makes disrupts our inertia for a moment when they release the brakes, and we bolt forward with a burst of speed. The aircraft bumps and sways as we barrel forward.  I grab good hold of the webbing behind my head.

Suddenly, the ground falls away and we are pressed into our seats. From the relative darkness of the plane, the tan Kuwaiti landscape glistens brightly through the small round windows, briefly lighting up the interior of the C-130.  There is a brief moment of weightlessness and then we are airborne, on our way to Qatar.

Rock on

Jesus Holy Christ, there is no spoon.
Let's start living and having a good time... Amen.

Texture of Kuwait

Good song... EMINEM

Hide and Seek...

I hear they have a martial arts program. Cool.

lol and I forgot about this guy from X-Men... good avatar to adopt right now... lol

jug·ger·naut

noun \ˈjə-gər-ˌnȯt, -ˌnät\ : something (such as a force, campaign, or movement) that is extremely large and powerful and cannot be stopped

I think there should be a verb associated with this... but I'll take it as a noun. I think the character was designed that the more you tried to stop him, the more kinetic energy was transferred to his momentum.

Hello Darkness

Bad meets evil.  

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.

Thomas Jefferson 

That's my boy!

I even have his haircut.

Too Easy

Today

Well, don't you love the Army. Stand-by fell through again. So I'm here another night.
I went to the Battalion BBQ and had a really nice time. People treated me really well, and one of the team's was down a soccer player, so I volunteered to help the losing team. I made a big difference, and as luck would have it, the VIP entourage of the two Brigade Commanders stopped to watch the game right when I made a good play. Getting off my meds was the best thing I ever did b/c my fitness level is coming roaring back. I was the only officer out there, and playing in the heat with all the Soldiers. A good first impression. I introduced myself to the Colonel after the game, and he warned me my new job was very chaotic and strategic... I told him that was up my alley. In fact, in a weird way, even though I figure I am now a figure of disdain to my family, my confidence as an officer has gone through the roof. Usually I would have been nervous, but I spoke confidently and casually to the boss. He grabbed my arm and said he looked forward to sitting down with me in a couple weeks. I guess there's a chance of staying 2 years not just 1. I've pretty much lost everything, and with the current trends that will surely affect my kids over time, I'm going to think about it really hard. It's tempting. Who knows, imagine scoring some insane civilian job in the richest country on earth. I did put my intent out to be a millionaire by age 45. We will see. Anyway, it was great playing soccer and not feeling I was dying like last time in AIT. If feels good at 35 to have the 22 years old say, damn, he's good. lol Then when they did tug of war, the the HQ platoon was mainly female, and they needed one more person. I was standing there and they were like, come help us, when need someone strong... lol that was flattering too, even though we lost (it was like 90% girls... lol... so yeah, probably would happen). Still, I had expected to be the wallflower since I am supposed to leave tomorrow and I figured I would endure 4 hours of torture... but actually, had a lot of fun.

My goal in the next ten years is to dominate the natural plane. I will become successful. In fact, weirdly enough, gutting fish on the copier is critical. Today, the BC glared over at me for a second as he was speaking to the other Colonel, but I just grabbed my balls and started talking to the Brigade Commander on my own. Afterwards he came over and spoke for awhile, and I got the feeling I had earned his respect and that a positive report about me will go forward to my new boss. So many came and shook my hand saying they regretted I was leaving. Fort Lee was not a natural experience. I forgot so many people in the big army are lazy. Most of these guys are reservists too. I am the new guy, but since I have been working out like a dog the last 4 weeks and my muscles are popping, I was standing with the other company commanders and they were all fat with their shirts tucked in and high and tights... lol my hair is long now, I haven't been able to get a hair cut, but I gave myself one and actually it looks like lucius verinus hair lol... I saw myself suddnely and I was like OMG, I am the coolest one here- I looked like an SF guy or something in my tactical shirt and minimus running shoes with long hair and cool shades. lol And not even trying... plus, I have had a ton of LTs and NCOs run up to me and shake my hand, SIR, GREAT TO SEE YOU!!! I was in your SWFTX. I just wanted to say you really helped me yatta yatta... etc. In fact, the Bn CDR and other people were like, WTH... who is this guy.  I mean, two of the BC's staff were my BOLC LT's and I guess they were raving about me b/c I was legendary at SWFTX... lol they were there during the natural disaster when I rallied everyone in one of my finer moments and went almost 72 hours without sleep. It paid off now when I least expected it. I literally had three LTs writing down my email b/c they want to be AIT Commanders partly b/c of my influence. I nearly fell over and just started laughing hysterically. The fucking universe is SO WEIRD!! In fact, I'm still getting used to the regular Army where there are a lot of officers, so I am standing there and someone puts me on the spot by confirming I had AIT command. I was nonchalant, yeah... 18 months. Then they all were like, tell us the good shit. You must have some crazy ass stories. I forgot, after being kept in constant stress about what you can say and what you can't, that out here, all that stuff is funny. So, I started telling some stories and they were rolling, collectively LMAO... Seriously. B/c of damn AIT that I hated so much. So once again, the hell of my last job is like a weird red carpet that is paving a path in front of me. I am not even trying for this shit. It is being shot at me from all directions so I am just catching the gold coins and keep saying thank you.

The only moment I got low was when I opened my door and got inside my room. In the past, calling home was something I looked forward to all day. Now, calling on the phone is like pulling the pin from a grenade. The kids still care about me, but it is only a matter of time before collective pressure will slowly influence their opinion of me. I will always be there for them, but I honestly have to start over, and I have started doing that here. It hurt eliminating half of my friends and family from Jen's side; some were no loss, but I will miss the ones like Matt Birch. However, today showed me that I can start over, and that's what I'm going to do. It still hurts though. Even with all the good stuff going on. Still hurts.

Hope springs eternal

There is hope for me yet... lol

This is the way the world is

This is the way the world is
This is the way it goes.
Mornings are often silent
Simple putting on of clothes.

Put miles behind you
Let the ground kiss your feet
Put miles behind you
Let your arms swing free.

I know the streets are often empty
You look for familiar faces
After wandering in the rain, turn to go,
See your own in a store window.

Put miles behind you
Let the ground kiss your feet
Put miles behind you
Let your arms swing free.

Keep walking,
Put miles behind you,
Let the rain wash you
Let your soul go.

Ice

Second Law of Thermodynamics. Irreversible.

Understand what lies deep in the heart of most of us men and Fathers!

Searching for Katsumoto

Everyone needs a teacher. A mentor. A older brother. I've never found one. When I have, its guaranteed not to last a very long time. That's all I've ever really wanted. To walk beside Katsumoto and learn.



When I watched the last Walking Dead episode, I came to a realization about the leader Rick. He was pretty disappointing as a leader in the first seasons. All of a sudden, in the last one, he really has been doing a good job. I was like... why? Why? Because he's been through hell. He has survived long enough, made enough bad calls and learned from them to become seasoned, experienced. In the beginning, his uniform sort of gave him initial credibility, but a lot of his leadership came from his former position as a cop.



Now, he is scruffy, bearded, no more uniform, but he has the eyes of a commander. He makes decisions b/c they rely on him to make them. He no longer has to make them to keep them together. It took him about 30 seconds to load up the pigs and sacrifice them to prevent the fence from being knocked over. Plus, he did it himself, and didn't bat an eye.

Also, he kept making mistakes until the old man with the beard started mentoring him. After Herschel started giving him advice, Rick's learning curve went way up. We learn from ourselves, but we also learn from that big brother or that mentor. A person like that makes an enormous difference.






 I am still in wolverine "ronin" mode... but when I find Katsumoto, trust me. I'll shut up and listen.

Katsumoto Speaks

Max Richter

I discovered Max Richter quite by accident last night. I instantly rank him as a modern great composer, right along with the likes of Hans Zimmer and Phillip Glass. I was building a "go to sleep" playlist, and I dropped several songs from "Prometheus" the science fiction movie. I heard the song Sarajevo, and was literally stunned by how beautifully raw but subtle it was (and the photograph on the album cover is something I would have done)... with headphones... simply overwhelming... :

Max Richter actually worked with Phillip Glass and others orchestrally, but eventually he has branched off into his own work. He has some very unique creations that simply defy definition. I also love how he integrates poetry and writing selections into his work.

Max Richter... Wikipedia 

Not to mention, I discovered he was the composer behind the haunting trailer that I loved for a video game called "The Secret World"... lol I love it when I discover something like this unexpectedly... I discovered Phillip Glass through Battle Star Galatica...

Wtf

Nothing wrong with the reserve, but why would you wear a PT reflective belt with ARMY RESERVE stenciled in huge block letters on it. Some people are DUMB.

Dude

So. I am getting tired of relaxing. I can only take so much. Plus, I hang out by myself, which is NOT hanging out. But, I am not inserted into my group yet... When I get to Qatar, hopefully my unit will have some cool folks I can chill with. I get nervous sometimes b/c I don't always fit into a group as myself... I am always a little leery of showing people who I really am b/c at heart I'm sort of a goofball... That being said, I am taking this Qatar residence as a test in adaptation. I will still be myself, but I plan to edit accordingly. I really would like some friends... I'll probably find them at starbucks or something... I'm just tired of waking, eating, working out, walking around aimlessly, and then going back to my room. Ugh.

The Craziest and Best "Keep Calm and . . ."

Okay... I love these Keep Calm and dot dot dot . . . you know? But these... THESE were UNIQUE... (okay, I just happened to like the coffee one... but the rest- ROFL) :

Jeremy Geddes

I'm going to shift the focus of my blog to reviewing some of my favorite artists. The first one I'm going to look at is Jeremy Geddes. He was born in New Zealand but lives in Australia. He is a photo realistic painter, both regular artist and comic book artist. The wikipedia entry says he is also a gaming enthusiast.

The art and blog of Jeremy Geddes

I personally love his cosmonaut paintings, which depict a suited cosmonaut in different mystical settings. Often there is a bird motif associated with them, and the cosmonaut is often placed in an abstract / surreal setting, although several paintings have the cosmonaut drifting weightlessly in isolated industrial or urban settings. Pigeons, exalted, weightless mystical states, inception style "exploding" buildings, and clusters of people in fetal positions are also themes.

For me, his cosmonaut series is indicative of the modern individual who is absolutely isolated within an internalized reality, however, they are aware of freedom and ability to escape, symbolized by the birds. Also, the cosmonaut is often tumbling erratically in the paintings constructed in the urban setting, which seems to indicate erratic haphazard existence as well as lack of control.

Jeremy Geddes. Unforgettable art.