Boom

Going to be a good day. How about a good year. . . :-)

The Flight

This is a poem written in Iraq, when I picked up my Dad from Bagdahd and flew back to Camp TQ:



The Flight

As we sat there
The helicopter lifted
An uncertain animal that gained its strength slowly.
Baghdad,
City of silence and sudden sound and fire
Glittered in deep sleep, chandelier lit in baroque splendor-
It fell away like a shining plate cast down a deep well.
Our trajectory took us
Great blades beat the sky with thunder
The night came like a wall of water,
Met us, enveloped and turned us, tucked our small bird away.

We flew.

I sat there on the hard canvas webbing, holding a strap
The back of the helo was an open door to the world
Night was a watchful mother with a sad heart.
The sand passed beneath us
The sky was large for the full moon,
It looked small and there were no stars.

I looked out and felt that our trip had no meaning
That the earth was full of a sorrow that could not be fixed
A pain beyond healing.
There was no stimulus, no dagger in the chest,
Just a realization that this was all that existed
Nothing else but us lived
Our lives were made of trips across deserts in the night.
In the faint light, I saw lines of trucks
Convoys creeping along the road with no lights;
I wondered if they would make it, and if they did,
Why did it matter because tomorrow they would go out again.

Why did we spend ourselves
Pour ourselves out like water on the ground?
The cycle was monolithic in its certainty
I felt we were children with grim faces 
We could not admit we stood alone.
I felt the wind.

The gunners were a boy and girl in Marine uniform;
They stood behind fifty cals up front
They looked out like mariners scanning for land at sea.
I couldn't see his face,
But the girl looked like an angel
She was serene, thoughtful
The moon slanting in captured her profile-
She was a pale statue with unknown eyes.
From the open cockpit, the pilots were conductors
Priests in helmets that bowed and prayed over their glowing altar
Practicing their religion of dim green dials, gleaming LEDs,
Adjusting their sacred artifacts to make a magical flight.
Out back, over the wide plain, we passed cities asleep
Ramadi to the left and Fallujah to the right.
In my sadness, amid the melancholy darkness of the bird's belly.
I asked for a sign
A signature from god
Be it life or maybe even death,
A falling from the sky in flames, contemplating it all in slow motion,
Something to take us from this empty desert,
Somewhere beyond anywhere but not here,
Here, for centuries, our relentless condition.
I heard nothing,
I listened,

Then in the steady beat
I heard a thousand breaths
Many wings that spun like wheels blending with the blades
The thundering rhythm became a seraphic splendor
A cloud of feathered power that marked a fierce time
Calm remembrance that greater things than us exist in the world
That they hide their presence but lurk in the fertility of the desperate mind.

Angels hide in loneliness,
We must strip away the bark
Cut deep into marrow and pierce the veil.
My eyes closed,
I became the jewel in the flower of my soul-
I heard the breath over the dark waters
I heard the small but stronger wind hidden in the big wind.
I heard the world's heartbeat,
A song subversively woven in with the speech of a machine.
I rested.

The helicopter dipped and began descent
Sand faded to water
The heart of Lake Habbaniya held our reflection.
We were home.

Kanye West - Jesus Walks

On 3 hours of sleep... after all my midnight motivation, I was deflated.
Masterchief called me out right away on like three things.
I got mad, got huffy... Through a conniption. He basically looked at me,
addressed the real issue, and then basically said, this is not the boy scouts...
you want to be a fucking Jedi, then stop taking things personally and get
disciplined, stop being emotional, and and when I punch you in the face, get back up.
That's paraphrased... then we did suicide awareness training and everyone started
checking on me, although that also made me mad.

In the end, I submitted myself to the mentorship of Masterchief.
He told me if I wanted to learn, than he was ready to teach, but he did not want to hear any more words, just actions. And if I said I would do something, I better by God do it.

And then, with tears in my eyes here as I say this, he stuck by my side all day, and patiently trained, beat me, encouraged me, and worked with me all day. We even ate lunch at our desks together.

Day one of Masterchief training. I am sore, but I feel a small grain of character like the beginning of a pearl. I actually submitted for real- I admitted I was undisciplined. He did not apply discipline, he forced me to confront my indiscipline every time I show it. Even made me clean up my coffee pot... I was livid, but he took the time to calmly show me each spot and how I am the only one who drinks coffee black. And then he simply asked why I was upset when he only told me the truth. That was when I realized I just had to submit. So I admitted, and asked for his help.

I thought it would suck, and while yes, it was humbling sometimes, I actually took some pride at meeting some deadlines today.

Oorah!

One step at a time...

THE PUNISHER: #DIRTYLAUNDRY

I am so stupid.

I begged for my Katsumoto when I first arrived in Kuwait.
I whined for my teacher to appear.

http://artistsroad.blogspot.com/2013/10/searching-for-katsumoto.html

Then, when I have a literal Masterchief kicking my ass daily and trying to teach me to fight, I was acting like a little bitch.

Yeah, I am fucking ready Sensei... bring the god damn pain.

I am ready now.

Wow. wow.

And yes, back on the damn field.

Love this video of the Punisher.

I think it's time to leave the loveboat and join fight club...

Hell yeah. Not sure quite how it all fits together, but I'm going to focus on what has always been a driving force from deep within.

Not sure, but one of the rules of fight club is or should be, you are not allowed to quit the fight.

My laundry is clean now, and I don't need a shirt to validate my identity or purpose.

Yeah, he launched at them with a bottle full of Spirit. lol

Of course, it would be Jack Daniels....


I mean, I should be actually really grateful:

I am in a unit named after the 300 Spartans because we have a really tough mission and
right now are outnumbered 10-1... I have a retired Masterchief who is my battlebuddy and literally calls me his wingman... a certified bad-ass who has told me I have the chops to accomplish this mission... he is teaching my stubborn ass new lessons every day...

No more sick and wounded Captain limping around and lying in the mud trying to pick up swords...

I just got on my horse and pulled my sword out of the ground from where I threw it.

I am finally riding next to Katsumoto...

Yes! This will be good!

 

Ellie Goulding - Burn

This is a good burn... ( :

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.

Albert Camus

Mike BURNS!!

Fuck yeah.

I burn... FROM WITHIN...

Because I like who I am, regardless of whatever happens around me.

Rock on,
And stay LEGENDARY.

 

I love this song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlcIKh6sBtc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Napoleon

The brooding General ... planning his escape.... a work in progress.... actually, just started

Brooding General

I can still do mother-effing art... only half done but showing some real promise.  I will fucking rise on my own power. I'll post the photo of 3 hrs work today.

new york alicia keys

Ganesha

So, during ac maintenance the Thai workers saw my Sri Ganesh statue with fresh flowers. I noticed that at least 5 extra workers came in,  abd they were smiling when they left. .. I figured out they were looking at my statute.  After that I've saw a big group of them all chattering about it. I walked by and they all smiled with big eyes and did these little bows etc like at a Thai restaurant I used to eat at. Now they go out of the way to shout good morning to me etc.  It's actually sad bc if they only knew my real story but they obviously love seeing one of the white,  army,  "important" Americans honoring their native deity although I am barely functioning in the real world. 

It is funny how a pathetic illusion can actually give others hope bc I actually did something to help someone bc of it.

Every Saturday I go to the coffee shop,  get a cappuccino and a blueberry muffin as a weekly treat, then I sit under the sunshade with a book and pretend I'm not here.  So this worker comes over and I see that he is one of the ones who knows "my secret". He does the namaste thing and utterly embarrassed asks me to help him buy deodorant. They are not allowed to use the Px but I could tell it was prob bc the dude NEEDED deodorant. I set the coffee and muffin down and took care of it. He was very grateful and disappeared.  2 minutes later all these MPs and the bitchy air force female in charge of aafes show up looking for him.  I saw them talking to a soldier with big silver mirror raybands on  .. an archetypal cockface DiCK who the poor stinky dude must have asked before seeing the safe Ganesha guy walk up. I hope he got away.

So, am I being a hypocrite?  No. No one was meant to see ganesha. I was NOT trying to do anything.  That shit happens regardless.  Wtf.

Amen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS60zG3iFvk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Perfect Secretary

This is my life... lol
Only, in uniform, and doing cut-alter-paste-send about 50 times.

Delivery Man Trailer 2013 Vince Vaughn Official Movie Trailer #2 [HD]

a terrific movie... man... it made me want to do a better job... sort of My Name is Earl meets Liar Liar... I couldn't help but identify with the guy....

Happiness lol

Wow.  I'm actually really happy this morning, just because I am alive and doing my thing... no one except myself responsible for it. Making pancakes after an awesome night in town.   Listening to trailerband and drinking Yukon coffee,  fresh ground.  You don't always need an external influence to be happy...  sometimes it's good music,  coffee,  and homemade pancakes.  :-) and pancakes are hard to come by here so woo hoo!

WALDORF SALAD by Doctor P

Two constants

Well.  I can only count on two things in life: that working out feels good esp in a gym that is open 24 hrs, that the harder the job,  the better I perform.

My heart is a piece of iron. I have established a routine that taxes me on purpose,  but at night silence and sadness hit me like a sledgehammer.
I see a bleak future.  I will stay here for two years and work my ass off.  I don't care for the Army but I am good at what I do,  unfortunately that just slingshots my career forward.

I honestly think I will just extend so that I come back in 2015. It will be tough, but my gut says that is whats necessary.

This weekend,  Christmas shopping and getting some clothes from GQ tailored for me.

Plus,  working hard on my final drafts so I can start getting proofs sent.  I want at least one done by Christmas. 

I have a feeling life will appear to suck for awhile,  and then suddenly,  all my hard work will pay off in a big way. This job I have could be a major stepping stone to some amazing senior positions in corporate logistics. . . I fast track logistics,  I could spring board into a 150 grand or higher job. . . I see myself there.  Its just sort of empty thats all.

Winter

You know in the first Ironman when his battery was about to go out and all the shrapnel was headed to his heart... I've been trying so hard, but I can't keep the light on. I mean, I will keep living and all of course, but it is such a hard road. I guess I put all my strength and energy... my IDENTIFY into keeping the life boat I called my marriage and family afloat. Now I'm treading water in an open sea surrounded by broken boards. In many ways, its a change for the better, but I guess I feel like the part that was the primary "me" for 14 years is dying some sort of terrible death of lonely starvation or something. I used to quote Camus... that in the midst of winter, there burned within me an invincible summer... Some sort of freezing winter storm like a typhoon of ice just picked me up and slammed me down... Every bone feels like its broken. It's like an ice age hit and entropy is winning man. I'm sort of staggering around in the snow now... The holidays are coming, and I want nothing to do with them. I don't want kindness, I don't want sadness, I don't want happiness. It's weird but I just want to get to an ocean and look out for a long, long time until this bad feeling goes away.

Getting in shape

Well,  at least one thing is going right... I'm rocking my workout.  Running 3-4 miles a day. Hitting the weights every morning. Of everything I envisioned, I am actually ahead of schedule on this one.  I had no idea getting off meds would slingshot my workout forward.  I just started protein and amino supplements today. .. so excited to see the results. Lol I'm like the only who cares but that's okay I guess. .. no photos till February.  I want the transformation to be radical.

Decisions

So a lot has been going on in my life.
I almost can't keep up with things, but while my personal life relationship wise has gone completely south, everything else is coming together.

It seems that I cannot maintain a relationship with anyone right now, hard as I have tried.

I guess I just have to focus on getting strong then...

I have an amazing job here- it is not easy, but there is a red carpet that actual has a fork in it that leads to either a successful civilian DOD career or military...

I am actually getting in shape. I feel my body strengthening, watching my legs get cut again... people always hate on me b/c of my upper body's ability to show rapid muscle def, but I'm happy and yes, it still works b/c tonight I was like, awesome, its working!

I have someone who volunteered to help me publish an ebook of my poetry through her channels, so that is exciting. I will still publish one through Amazon, so really, I will have two books out in two different venues... Totally unexpected... it helps to have someone push you, and as an accomplished and published writer, she is cuffing me forward like a bear cub...

I live 10 minutes from one of the richest countries in the world; I have a brand new SUV with free gas; Doha is amazing with all its things to do, and every one of my dollars equals three of theirs- its like I'm rich; my buddies showed me this tailor shop where the guy reproduces anything you show him in whatever cloth you want- I'm taking copies of GQ and soon I will have a wardrobe of Armani and Prada... freaking crazy shit.

The sad part. I'm alone here. It's really quiet at night, and for all my privileges, the internet is limited here.
I miss my kids. I miss being loved... and I mean loved the way I need to be loved.

I have an opportunity to stay here for two years, and I am strongly considering it... I gave up my entire life and then am standing here alone in the desert. I have been walking around for several months sad, dazed and lonely, but that is getting me nowhere.

It is time to get my shit together and become the highly successful man people have always said I should be. I think it is time to just work hard for awhile and achieve my potential. I really don't have any other options.

So true

It has been three months since I have been off adderral. It was one of the best things I ever did.  Tonight,  as my leg muscles surged me around the track, I felt the old steady familiar heart beat and I thought, thank God I am not on adderral. A little bit of absent mindedness and occasional melancholiav is worth feeling calm, strong and healthy. Yes, have to work harder to keep slim, but I actually can enjoy working out and my heart no longer pounds out of my chest. Endorphins are such a better high,  and I sleep like a baby. :-)

http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/opinionator/2013/03/04/the-last-all-nighter/

Ironman

My training has a goal now: I will compete in an ironman next year... triathalon in Hawaii... bring the pain!

Just don't forget

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq9yAauMEkA&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Wow

Happy veterans day.  Didn't get to talk to the kids. I did speak to my parents.  Amazing how oblivious some people are.

Fuck the Police

One more time.
Fuck the police man, seriously, fuck the motherfucking police.
I'm so tired of all the bullshit.
I just wanted a normal life.
I just wanted to be fucking happy.
Like godblessed fucking Amy Winehouse.
What the FUCK.
Fuck the police,
Fuck everything,
Fuck the world...
Fuck all of THEM!

Yep, dude.

Mike, I won't say Fuck you to you...
I'm sorry bud, I really am.

You have tried and tried, and what good has it done you.
NONE.

Its okay....
Get the damn dragonfly out of the road and power him up.
You have to get him back up, get in flight.

 Fuck man, seriously, fuck.

Amy Winehouse Tribute

Amy Winehouse, epitome of poise
With sultry tones and a rolling beat,
Her incredible vibe, that husky voice!

When I heard she died,
It stopped me cold, middle of the day,
Horns beeped at me, center of the street.
I did not know her,
Yet I mourned.
She was bad girl beautiful
Secretly vulnerable yet invincibly strong
Glorious in her imperfection,
She flipped devastation the bird
Even to the end, she owned every stage
Magnificent swag melted into tragically sad
She was a failure but always a fighter
A badass bitch, helluva survivor.
She stared the cameras down, kept it real
Her eyes flashed and spoke
In the face of addiction, she danced
At the height of pain, she sang
Fired from her heart-chords, the vocals came.
Amy Winehouse, I am sad you died.
You were a bad girl with a good soul.
I pictured you at your funeral, quietly asleep,
Face framed by that luxury of hair.
A dangerous snow-white in a beautiful dress
The tattoos on your arms told a story,
They were folded across your chest.
Winehouse, I barely knew you
But the failures who keep fighting
Those of us who are survivors-
On tough days, we listen to your music
Rest easy girl, just know you are missed.

Amy Winehouse, epitome of poise
With sultry tones and a rolling beat,
Her incredible vibe, that husky voice!

Fuck the Police Mode

So. Enough feeling sad. Get up kid, get the FUCK back on your feet! Last time I checked, you are an artist AND a Soldier. Soldier up motherfucker...

You need to act like this is your last day to live.
Fight to the last motherfuckin' man.
Time to get hard, get tough... harden that hurt.

Yeah, we all know about your inner artist... it's Leonidas time dude.

Get back up and throw your spear!

Got nothing to lose man... from the Art of War, this is dying ground....

Attack the beach!

Modigliani

Man... this movie was sad...

I was like, WTF!!!

Modigliani on Wikipedia

Well that's that. Dust and ashes.

Well she burned all burnables, then threw away... like garbage... everything else... wedding rings etc...

Burned every picture...

Everything... even stuff that was technically probably mine.

It was over a long time ago, but now it is dead and in the ground.

Yeah, respect has been a tough one, but zero respect is at least zero. That was disrespect.

For all your talk of honor, you proved one thing- you truly are a cold, mean spirited, and heartless bitch who lives up to your reputation of self-proclaimed viciousness. You truly should go find a mobster somewhere and become his girlfriend. Good for you.

 Honestly, I know I'm supposed to be cold and sardonic, but it actually made me feel sad. I guess I made you feel really worthless so you decided I deserved to feel the same. I'm not (worthless), but it still hurts when someone throws you away like that.

I guess all those things to me did not all symbolize something bad... those were years of sacrifice that still meant something. Actually, Jennifer would probably be dead right now if I had not been in her life, regardless of what she says.

I actually kept my ring. I haven't worn it, but I keep it in my little fight club box. Its super hard sometimes, but I take it out every once and awhile and think about my times with Jen. I plan to keep mine b/c it is a link to a lot of tough times and a really hard road. I just feel sad b/c Jen is still a person to me, and I feel a deep guilt and sadness for hurting her so badly. I feel like what I am trying to do is work through this horrible experience. It is really horrible, and there is no one holding my hand through the valley of the shadow of death... big boy time you know? She acts like I'm skipping along the yellow brick road holding Dorothy's hand. lol It's DARK out here... you know?

This act, while at least a very clear breaking of her attachment to me, it sort of went off the charts on hatefulness. Yeah, it hurt to have someone burn everything, and then throw away the other stuff. Get rid of letters and stuff, I got it, but put the other stuff in a box or something. Its not the first time she's shredded stuff though...

What happened with us is... when the U.S. atom-bombed Japan, imagine then if Japan had then atom-bombed not just the U.S. but all of North America... yeah, massive overkill in the response Jen. You accuse me of a trail of devastation, you did an ice skate style triple lutz with two Uzi machine guns... Nice work... not that you care.

I guess I'll meet her in the middle and ritually end the Mike part of Mike&Jen too... the thing that came to mind was from the Matrix... she is a chick, but I think she's a butch lesbian... anyway... the overall shoe fits.... sad lol...

No respect, a lot of hurt, hate... True colors... all sides.

 

As Lil Wayne says....

Rebirth motherfucker...

ARTAX DIES IN THE SWAMP OF SADNESS

Guardian Great 244

Stairs

My heart is a steel chamber
Rusted and vast,
An abandoned silo
Made of distressed metal.

Ambient light makes its way below
Twists and turns, winds
Navigates a desert of arteries
Wanders eroded tributaries of veins
Meets entropy in darkness.
Companion to cast-iron stairs,
A bannister careens like a metal snake
Between elevator shaft walls,
They corkscrew up together and hang in the air.

I traverse the concourse of my heart
Slow feet on the stairs,
Climbing towards the light.
Air shakes with deep echoes
Metal walls tremble
 Like the deliberate pounding on a distant door
Or thunder heard from deep underground.
The slow pulse of my march
Makes a rhythm of reverberations.

Yet in silent moments,
The sound of a violin drifts from below.

Our Condition

Shadows  from shapes  and angles
Confusion of crumbling stones
Fading
Dust to ashes
Field of flowers
Glitter without gold
A silent passage
Ashes to dust.
Tabula rasa mind
Blank wall, no color
Thunder without rain or storm
Elegance that lacks context
Skin and bone without soul
Proto-human form

Defy relentless entropy
Struggle to be born.

Max Richter and Dinah Washington - This Bitter Earth / On the Nature of ...

http://www.youtube.com/v/s_lVjYtNNqo?autohide=1&version=3&autohide=1&feature=share&attribution_tag=Z4Y6RY-l9PGo0VoYs9G_5Q&showinfo=1&autoplay=1

Apparition of sorts

This morning at about 6 am,  I was just startingv to open my eyes; just as I opened them there was a loud POP like an electrical explosion and a brilliant flash like a camera bulb. I jumped out of bed to see what had caused it but there was nothing. It came from the foot of my bed. I had the strong sense someone had been there but had been startled by me waking up.

Into the Fray

Sometimes, you must fight your most important battles alone, with no guarantees.

Sometimes, to truly learn to stand alone, you must first face down your greatest fear alone, and win.

Then no one, absolutely no one, may ever steal your victory.

A vexed spirit

I dreamed I was in a meeting. The lady next to me wrote a note and passed it to me,  "You have a vexed spirit."

Yes, I do... Yes I certainly do.

And now that I think about it, it was the older lady I met yesterday who the other captain said was the smartest one there.

Masterchief

So I get to my unit, and I am introduced to my new team.  A tough looking older guy shakes my hand. . . The other Captain laughs and says, Remember Halo? You get the rare privilege to work with a Masterchief, one of the best... he works for you,  but I would listen to him. Masterchief. He may be retired,  but he is still a masterchief. Wow. Thanks guys. . . I guess that proves I'm in the right place. I could not make this stuff up if I tried. 

On the runway

It's a cloudy day and surprisingly cool as we get off the bus in a group outside the C-130. We stand on the runway with our od green duffel bags until the crew has us board.  I note the name of the plane emblazoned boldly with white water rapids on the tail. We are flying on the Niagara.

The NCOs help me with my four bags.  They are heavy,  and one of them makes a face, "Sir, What did you pack! ".

Once we climb inside we sit down on the canvas seats. It is dark inside,  like a cylindrical cave lit by dim small lights overhead.  I'm by the open door so I could feel the propwash, it feels good in my face and ruffles my hair. The crew chief makes his final checks outside. His flight suit is open, and his dog tags dangle free over his sweat stained shirt. 

Our small group sits on bright red webbed seats. I smell that aviation smell of oil and fuel, hear the roaring hum of the propellers and the slight whine of the hydraulic systems inside. We all sit side by side and across from each other. 

I squeeze the little foam ear plugs, roll them into cylinders. They slowly expand in my ears,  muting out the racket into a faint and modulated roar. The crew chief slams the hatch, wipes his red face and the wind goes away. 

We sway as we taxi down the runway going over the cracks between the runaway slabs. The engines thunder, increase pitch. Vibration doubles as they build power.  A jolt makes disrupts our inertia for a moment when they release the brakes, and we bolt forward with a burst of speed. The aircraft bumps and sways as we barrel forward.  I grab good hold of the webbing behind my head.

Suddenly, the ground falls away and we are pressed into our seats. From the relative darkness of the plane, the tan Kuwaiti landscape glistens brightly through the small round windows, briefly lighting up the interior of the C-130.  There is a brief moment of weightlessness and then we are airborne, on our way to Qatar.

Rock on

Jesus Holy Christ, there is no spoon.
Let's start living and having a good time... Amen.

Texture of Kuwait

Good song... EMINEM

Hide and Seek...

I hear they have a martial arts program. Cool.

lol and I forgot about this guy from X-Men... good avatar to adopt right now... lol

jug·ger·naut

noun \ˈjə-gər-ˌnȯt, -ˌnät\ : something (such as a force, campaign, or movement) that is extremely large and powerful and cannot be stopped

I think there should be a verb associated with this... but I'll take it as a noun. I think the character was designed that the more you tried to stop him, the more kinetic energy was transferred to his momentum.

Hello Darkness

Bad meets evil.  

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.

Thomas Jefferson 

That's my boy!

I even have his haircut.

Too Easy

Today

Well, don't you love the Army. Stand-by fell through again. So I'm here another night.
I went to the Battalion BBQ and had a really nice time. People treated me really well, and one of the team's was down a soccer player, so I volunteered to help the losing team. I made a big difference, and as luck would have it, the VIP entourage of the two Brigade Commanders stopped to watch the game right when I made a good play. Getting off my meds was the best thing I ever did b/c my fitness level is coming roaring back. I was the only officer out there, and playing in the heat with all the Soldiers. A good first impression. I introduced myself to the Colonel after the game, and he warned me my new job was very chaotic and strategic... I told him that was up my alley. In fact, in a weird way, even though I figure I am now a figure of disdain to my family, my confidence as an officer has gone through the roof. Usually I would have been nervous, but I spoke confidently and casually to the boss. He grabbed my arm and said he looked forward to sitting down with me in a couple weeks. I guess there's a chance of staying 2 years not just 1. I've pretty much lost everything, and with the current trends that will surely affect my kids over time, I'm going to think about it really hard. It's tempting. Who knows, imagine scoring some insane civilian job in the richest country on earth. I did put my intent out to be a millionaire by age 45. We will see. Anyway, it was great playing soccer and not feeling I was dying like last time in AIT. If feels good at 35 to have the 22 years old say, damn, he's good. lol Then when they did tug of war, the the HQ platoon was mainly female, and they needed one more person. I was standing there and they were like, come help us, when need someone strong... lol that was flattering too, even though we lost (it was like 90% girls... lol... so yeah, probably would happen). Still, I had expected to be the wallflower since I am supposed to leave tomorrow and I figured I would endure 4 hours of torture... but actually, had a lot of fun.

My goal in the next ten years is to dominate the natural plane. I will become successful. In fact, weirdly enough, gutting fish on the copier is critical. Today, the BC glared over at me for a second as he was speaking to the other Colonel, but I just grabbed my balls and started talking to the Brigade Commander on my own. Afterwards he came over and spoke for awhile, and I got the feeling I had earned his respect and that a positive report about me will go forward to my new boss. So many came and shook my hand saying they regretted I was leaving. Fort Lee was not a natural experience. I forgot so many people in the big army are lazy. Most of these guys are reservists too. I am the new guy, but since I have been working out like a dog the last 4 weeks and my muscles are popping, I was standing with the other company commanders and they were all fat with their shirts tucked in and high and tights... lol my hair is long now, I haven't been able to get a hair cut, but I gave myself one and actually it looks like lucius verinus hair lol... I saw myself suddnely and I was like OMG, I am the coolest one here- I looked like an SF guy or something in my tactical shirt and minimus running shoes with long hair and cool shades. lol And not even trying... plus, I have had a ton of LTs and NCOs run up to me and shake my hand, SIR, GREAT TO SEE YOU!!! I was in your SWFTX. I just wanted to say you really helped me yatta yatta... etc. In fact, the Bn CDR and other people were like, WTH... who is this guy.  I mean, two of the BC's staff were my BOLC LT's and I guess they were raving about me b/c I was legendary at SWFTX... lol they were there during the natural disaster when I rallied everyone in one of my finer moments and went almost 72 hours without sleep. It paid off now when I least expected it. I literally had three LTs writing down my email b/c they want to be AIT Commanders partly b/c of my influence. I nearly fell over and just started laughing hysterically. The fucking universe is SO WEIRD!! In fact, I'm still getting used to the regular Army where there are a lot of officers, so I am standing there and someone puts me on the spot by confirming I had AIT command. I was nonchalant, yeah... 18 months. Then they all were like, tell us the good shit. You must have some crazy ass stories. I forgot, after being kept in constant stress about what you can say and what you can't, that out here, all that stuff is funny. So, I started telling some stories and they were rolling, collectively LMAO... Seriously. B/c of damn AIT that I hated so much. So once again, the hell of my last job is like a weird red carpet that is paving a path in front of me. I am not even trying for this shit. It is being shot at me from all directions so I am just catching the gold coins and keep saying thank you.

The only moment I got low was when I opened my door and got inside my room. In the past, calling home was something I looked forward to all day. Now, calling on the phone is like pulling the pin from a grenade. The kids still care about me, but it is only a matter of time before collective pressure will slowly influence their opinion of me. I will always be there for them, but I honestly have to start over, and I have started doing that here. It hurt eliminating half of my friends and family from Jen's side; some were no loss, but I will miss the ones like Matt Birch. However, today showed me that I can start over, and that's what I'm going to do. It still hurts though. Even with all the good stuff going on. Still hurts.

Hope springs eternal

There is hope for me yet... lol

This is the way the world is

This is the way the world is
This is the way it goes.
Mornings are often silent
Simple putting on of clothes.

Put miles behind you
Let the ground kiss your feet
Put miles behind you
Let your arms swing free.

I know the streets are often empty
You look for familiar faces
After wandering in the rain, turn to go,
See your own in a store window.

Put miles behind you
Let the ground kiss your feet
Put miles behind you
Let your arms swing free.

Keep walking,
Put miles behind you,
Let the rain wash you
Let your soul go.

Ice

Second Law of Thermodynamics. Irreversible.

Understand what lies deep in the heart of most of us men and Fathers!

Searching for Katsumoto

Everyone needs a teacher. A mentor. A older brother. I've never found one. When I have, its guaranteed not to last a very long time. That's all I've ever really wanted. To walk beside Katsumoto and learn.



When I watched the last Walking Dead episode, I came to a realization about the leader Rick. He was pretty disappointing as a leader in the first seasons. All of a sudden, in the last one, he really has been doing a good job. I was like... why? Why? Because he's been through hell. He has survived long enough, made enough bad calls and learned from them to become seasoned, experienced. In the beginning, his uniform sort of gave him initial credibility, but a lot of his leadership came from his former position as a cop.



Now, he is scruffy, bearded, no more uniform, but he has the eyes of a commander. He makes decisions b/c they rely on him to make them. He no longer has to make them to keep them together. It took him about 30 seconds to load up the pigs and sacrifice them to prevent the fence from being knocked over. Plus, he did it himself, and didn't bat an eye.

Also, he kept making mistakes until the old man with the beard started mentoring him. After Herschel started giving him advice, Rick's learning curve went way up. We learn from ourselves, but we also learn from that big brother or that mentor. A person like that makes an enormous difference.






 I am still in wolverine "ronin" mode... but when I find Katsumoto, trust me. I'll shut up and listen.

Katsumoto Speaks

Max Richter

I discovered Max Richter quite by accident last night. I instantly rank him as a modern great composer, right along with the likes of Hans Zimmer and Phillip Glass. I was building a "go to sleep" playlist, and I dropped several songs from "Prometheus" the science fiction movie. I heard the song Sarajevo, and was literally stunned by how beautifully raw but subtle it was (and the photograph on the album cover is something I would have done)... with headphones... simply overwhelming... :

Max Richter actually worked with Phillip Glass and others orchestrally, but eventually he has branched off into his own work. He has some very unique creations that simply defy definition. I also love how he integrates poetry and writing selections into his work.

Max Richter... Wikipedia 

Not to mention, I discovered he was the composer behind the haunting trailer that I loved for a video game called "The Secret World"... lol I love it when I discover something like this unexpectedly... I discovered Phillip Glass through Battle Star Galatica...

Wtf

Nothing wrong with the reserve, but why would you wear a PT reflective belt with ARMY RESERVE stenciled in huge block letters on it. Some people are DUMB.

Dude

So. I am getting tired of relaxing. I can only take so much. Plus, I hang out by myself, which is NOT hanging out. But, I am not inserted into my group yet... When I get to Qatar, hopefully my unit will have some cool folks I can chill with. I get nervous sometimes b/c I don't always fit into a group as myself... I am always a little leery of showing people who I really am b/c at heart I'm sort of a goofball... That being said, I am taking this Qatar residence as a test in adaptation. I will still be myself, but I plan to edit accordingly. I really would like some friends... I'll probably find them at starbucks or something... I'm just tired of waking, eating, working out, walking around aimlessly, and then going back to my room. Ugh.

The Craziest and Best "Keep Calm and . . ."

Okay... I love these Keep Calm and dot dot dot . . . you know? But these... THESE were UNIQUE... (okay, I just happened to like the coffee one... but the rest- ROFL) :

Jeremy Geddes

I'm going to shift the focus of my blog to reviewing some of my favorite artists. The first one I'm going to look at is Jeremy Geddes. He was born in New Zealand but lives in Australia. He is a photo realistic painter, both regular artist and comic book artist. The wikipedia entry says he is also a gaming enthusiast.

The art and blog of Jeremy Geddes

I personally love his cosmonaut paintings, which depict a suited cosmonaut in different mystical settings. Often there is a bird motif associated with them, and the cosmonaut is often placed in an abstract / surreal setting, although several paintings have the cosmonaut drifting weightlessly in isolated industrial or urban settings. Pigeons, exalted, weightless mystical states, inception style "exploding" buildings, and clusters of people in fetal positions are also themes.

For me, his cosmonaut series is indicative of the modern individual who is absolutely isolated within an internalized reality, however, they are aware of freedom and ability to escape, symbolized by the birds. Also, the cosmonaut is often tumbling erratically in the paintings constructed in the urban setting, which seems to indicate erratic haphazard existence as well as lack of control.

Jeremy Geddes. Unforgettable art.