Boom

Going to be a good day. How about a good year. . . :-)

The Flight

This is a poem written in Iraq, when I picked up my Dad from Bagdahd and flew back to Camp TQ:



The Flight

As we sat there
The helicopter lifted
An uncertain animal that gained its strength slowly.
Baghdad,
City of silence and sudden sound and fire
Glittered in deep sleep, chandelier lit in baroque splendor-
It fell away like a shining plate cast down a deep well.
Our trajectory took us
Great blades beat the sky with thunder
The night came like a wall of water,
Met us, enveloped and turned us, tucked our small bird away.

We flew.

I sat there on the hard canvas webbing, holding a strap
The back of the helo was an open door to the world
Night was a watchful mother with a sad heart.
The sand passed beneath us
The sky was large for the full moon,
It looked small and there were no stars.

I looked out and felt that our trip had no meaning
That the earth was full of a sorrow that could not be fixed
A pain beyond healing.
There was no stimulus, no dagger in the chest,
Just a realization that this was all that existed
Nothing else but us lived
Our lives were made of trips across deserts in the night.
In the faint light, I saw lines of trucks
Convoys creeping along the road with no lights;
I wondered if they would make it, and if they did,
Why did it matter because tomorrow they would go out again.

Why did we spend ourselves
Pour ourselves out like water on the ground?
The cycle was monolithic in its certainty
I felt we were children with grim faces 
We could not admit we stood alone.
I felt the wind.

The gunners were a boy and girl in Marine uniform;
They stood behind fifty cals up front
They looked out like mariners scanning for land at sea.
I couldn't see his face,
But the girl looked like an angel
She was serene, thoughtful
The moon slanting in captured her profile-
She was a pale statue with unknown eyes.
From the open cockpit, the pilots were conductors
Priests in helmets that bowed and prayed over their glowing altar
Practicing their religion of dim green dials, gleaming LEDs,
Adjusting their sacred artifacts to make a magical flight.
Out back, over the wide plain, we passed cities asleep
Ramadi to the left and Fallujah to the right.
In my sadness, amid the melancholy darkness of the bird's belly.
I asked for a sign
A signature from god
Be it life or maybe even death,
A falling from the sky in flames, contemplating it all in slow motion,
Something to take us from this empty desert,
Somewhere beyond anywhere but not here,
Here, for centuries, our relentless condition.
I heard nothing,
I listened,

Then in the steady beat
I heard a thousand breaths
Many wings that spun like wheels blending with the blades
The thundering rhythm became a seraphic splendor
A cloud of feathered power that marked a fierce time
Calm remembrance that greater things than us exist in the world
That they hide their presence but lurk in the fertility of the desperate mind.

Angels hide in loneliness,
We must strip away the bark
Cut deep into marrow and pierce the veil.
My eyes closed,
I became the jewel in the flower of my soul-
I heard the breath over the dark waters
I heard the small but stronger wind hidden in the big wind.
I heard the world's heartbeat,
A song subversively woven in with the speech of a machine.
I rested.

The helicopter dipped and began descent
Sand faded to water
The heart of Lake Habbaniya held our reflection.
We were home.

Kanye West - Jesus Walks

On 3 hours of sleep... after all my midnight motivation, I was deflated.
Masterchief called me out right away on like three things.
I got mad, got huffy... Through a conniption. He basically looked at me,
addressed the real issue, and then basically said, this is not the boy scouts...
you want to be a fucking Jedi, then stop taking things personally and get
disciplined, stop being emotional, and and when I punch you in the face, get back up.
That's paraphrased... then we did suicide awareness training and everyone started
checking on me, although that also made me mad.

In the end, I submitted myself to the mentorship of Masterchief.
He told me if I wanted to learn, than he was ready to teach, but he did not want to hear any more words, just actions. And if I said I would do something, I better by God do it.

And then, with tears in my eyes here as I say this, he stuck by my side all day, and patiently trained, beat me, encouraged me, and worked with me all day. We even ate lunch at our desks together.

Day one of Masterchief training. I am sore, but I feel a small grain of character like the beginning of a pearl. I actually submitted for real- I admitted I was undisciplined. He did not apply discipline, he forced me to confront my indiscipline every time I show it. Even made me clean up my coffee pot... I was livid, but he took the time to calmly show me each spot and how I am the only one who drinks coffee black. And then he simply asked why I was upset when he only told me the truth. That was when I realized I just had to submit. So I admitted, and asked for his help.

I thought it would suck, and while yes, it was humbling sometimes, I actually took some pride at meeting some deadlines today.

Oorah!

One step at a time...

THE PUNISHER: #DIRTYLAUNDRY

I am so stupid.

I begged for my Katsumoto when I first arrived in Kuwait.
I whined for my teacher to appear.

http://artistsroad.blogspot.com/2013/10/searching-for-katsumoto.html

Then, when I have a literal Masterchief kicking my ass daily and trying to teach me to fight, I was acting like a little bitch.

Yeah, I am fucking ready Sensei... bring the god damn pain.

I am ready now.

Wow. wow.

And yes, back on the damn field.

Love this video of the Punisher.

I think it's time to leave the loveboat and join fight club...

Hell yeah. Not sure quite how it all fits together, but I'm going to focus on what has always been a driving force from deep within.

Not sure, but one of the rules of fight club is or should be, you are not allowed to quit the fight.

My laundry is clean now, and I don't need a shirt to validate my identity or purpose.

Yeah, he launched at them with a bottle full of Spirit. lol

Of course, it would be Jack Daniels....


I mean, I should be actually really grateful:

I am in a unit named after the 300 Spartans because we have a really tough mission and
right now are outnumbered 10-1... I have a retired Masterchief who is my battlebuddy and literally calls me his wingman... a certified bad-ass who has told me I have the chops to accomplish this mission... he is teaching my stubborn ass new lessons every day...

No more sick and wounded Captain limping around and lying in the mud trying to pick up swords...

I just got on my horse and pulled my sword out of the ground from where I threw it.

I am finally riding next to Katsumoto...

Yes! This will be good!

 

Ellie Goulding - Burn

This is a good burn... ( :

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.

Albert Camus

Mike BURNS!!

Fuck yeah.

I burn... FROM WITHIN...

Because I like who I am, regardless of whatever happens around me.

Rock on,
And stay LEGENDARY.

 

I love this song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlcIKh6sBtc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Napoleon

The brooding General ... planning his escape.... a work in progress.... actually, just started

Brooding General

I can still do mother-effing art... only half done but showing some real promise.  I will fucking rise on my own power. I'll post the photo of 3 hrs work today.

new york alicia keys

Ganesha

So, during ac maintenance the Thai workers saw my Sri Ganesh statue with fresh flowers. I noticed that at least 5 extra workers came in,  abd they were smiling when they left. .. I figured out they were looking at my statute.  After that I've saw a big group of them all chattering about it. I walked by and they all smiled with big eyes and did these little bows etc like at a Thai restaurant I used to eat at. Now they go out of the way to shout good morning to me etc.  It's actually sad bc if they only knew my real story but they obviously love seeing one of the white,  army,  "important" Americans honoring their native deity although I am barely functioning in the real world. 

It is funny how a pathetic illusion can actually give others hope bc I actually did something to help someone bc of it.

Every Saturday I go to the coffee shop,  get a cappuccino and a blueberry muffin as a weekly treat, then I sit under the sunshade with a book and pretend I'm not here.  So this worker comes over and I see that he is one of the ones who knows "my secret". He does the namaste thing and utterly embarrassed asks me to help him buy deodorant. They are not allowed to use the Px but I could tell it was prob bc the dude NEEDED deodorant. I set the coffee and muffin down and took care of it. He was very grateful and disappeared.  2 minutes later all these MPs and the bitchy air force female in charge of aafes show up looking for him.  I saw them talking to a soldier with big silver mirror raybands on  .. an archetypal cockface DiCK who the poor stinky dude must have asked before seeing the safe Ganesha guy walk up. I hope he got away.

So, am I being a hypocrite?  No. No one was meant to see ganesha. I was NOT trying to do anything.  That shit happens regardless.  Wtf.

Amen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS60zG3iFvk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Perfect Secretary

This is my life... lol
Only, in uniform, and doing cut-alter-paste-send about 50 times.

Delivery Man Trailer 2013 Vince Vaughn Official Movie Trailer #2 [HD]

a terrific movie... man... it made me want to do a better job... sort of My Name is Earl meets Liar Liar... I couldn't help but identify with the guy....