Lone Survivor No More

07 - King Or Cripple - Delirious? - dTour 1997 Li…: http://youtu.be/O0snkN9V-yM

Months ago,  I dreamed (blogged about it here) that I was in a Blackhawk over a stormy sea... the helicopter stopped over a desert island and tilted up so that I fell out into the rocks and storm. I was a special operations guy and this was some sort of crazy test. As I looked up,  they kicked a survival chest out the bird so that it fell on top of me and flew away into the storm. I had to fend for myself. I was so sad and discouraged in the dream. Well. That describes the last six months.

So. Abandoned on a desert island in a storm.  Washed up. An epic fail. Expired registration,  four flat tires, dead batteries in the flashlight. . . When I finally watched that movie about the SF team that got cut to ribbons, Lone Survivor, I got tears bc that poor wild crazed dude flailing for his life at the end, that was me. Except I was no special ops guy or navy seal.

I might as well have called it. Done.  Ring the bell and quit.

Or not.

Maybe like in the last samurai where the dude had to keep reaching for the sword, keep crawling out of the mud. Fall, get up. Trip, take a knee, get up. Fuck up, unfuck yourself,  get up. Keep moving forward. Lightning,  storms, earthquakes,  all that shit. But drink fresh water, see rainbow,  get tough and lean, trim the fat.

I thought I was going to lose it for awhile. Then,  a crazy masterchief like the one out of halo became my wingman. He smacked the shit out of me but pulled me to my feet. Then, I made a great friend in an NCO who proved more loyal than that hawk guy in the new captain america... I dont know how many times my Columbian warlord ran in and saved me from myself,  but he certainly reversed all that damage Davidson did. Even my crazy nerdy boss jumped in and took heat rounds for me when I didn't deserve it.

Today was Masterchief's last day in ops... he is still around but has to go to maintenance but it won't be the same, not working shoulder to shoulder.  He did say he was proud of me and that he could see I was getting back on my feet. Right now,  its sort of tough bc a lot of folks are switching out, our fellowship is breaking in a way. As our ranks thin, they have to move the strong ones around.  That just means I'm going to take what Rob showed me and make up for his absence.  When a halo masterchief believes in you,  you suddenly find yourself believing in you too. All of a sudden, the masterchief leaves and then you need to fill his shoes but that's okay,  he taught you how to do it and you realize you can.

Good things  slowly come like a tough seed trying to hatch in granite.

But if you seek it, you will find it.

Like my favorite song: My glorious. 

We believe that....

God is bigger than the air i breathe, the world we'll leave. God will save the day! And all will say: My Glorious!

Even if its only me who sings, I hear all these others singing too.

Last night.  I dreamed I was alone.  I had the magic house,  the property,  possessions I wanted,  but my family was wrecked,  everything was wrong. I had to give it all up if I wanted to be free.

Suddenly,  I was in a squatters apartment, worst ghetto rooms in the world, but I was eating breakfast with my son, bc we were together we were so happy.

Then suddenly I was in the ocean again,  out at sea, back in uniform. I was treading water. I looked down at my chest,  and it said,  Navy Seal. I looked up, and a C130 flew over with a rope out, I climbed up and this big guy pulled me in... it turned out to be a younger version of my Dad who had gone back in. He smiled, "I made some changes, good to see you son!". He had no fear in his eyes.  There were all these big halo-looking, tough dudes, they grinned and said, "Glad you could make it! Rest up, we've got work to do!"

One of them came to me, pulled me to the side, and put his hand on shoulder, he said to me, "Mike, you are never alone and don't you ever say you don't have a home.  My home in the green hills of Tennessee is your home, you can always come and stay with me." I met him once before in a dream right after Jen came out of the hospital. He looked and was dressed the exact same way, like a redneck carpenter. He really encouraged me back then too.

Personally,  I believe that dude was Jesus... and I really REALLY appreciated what he said.

I didn't know Jesus lived in Tennessee,  but that's okay. If he says I can go live with him, I'll go. That guy was good people.

Like it says in My Glorious,  all you ever do, is change the old for new.... my glorious!

King or prince, cripple or navy seal, just KEEP ME!