Every day I walk to and from school. There are many reasons why I do this, but the unavoidable fact is that I can't drive my car right now. At first, I was mortified. I acted arrogantly, but inside I was filled with shame every time a car passed. There I was, a Major, walking to class because I couldn't afford to fix my car during a tough divorce. Every day, I castigated myself for all of my mistakes. During those 2 fifteen minute increments of time each day, I beat myself up mentally into a bloody pulp. "Walk! You stupid idiot! Walk!!", I screamed like a drill instructor inside my head. "You did this to yourself, so just TAKE IT! You earned every second of this." Those walks lasted forever.
However.
Over several months, something happened. First, I really began to enjoy the walk. It was beautiful, and I saw amazing small things like brilliant fall leaves, the sound of wind, a dog running magnificently along the golf course while his master in a riding mower followed... The morning light through a spider web.
Second, I got tougher. I began to think iof the walk as nothing. Modern life tends to measure value in terms of time and efficiency. Granted, my walk was a slower way of traveling, but the qualitative effect on my life was significant. I simply started my day a little earlier.
It also put things in perspective. What would have been an enormous inconvenience to the pre-existing divorce "maze-runner" Mike suddenly became a welcome daily event to the calmer and more thoughtful post-divorce Michael. I had dedicated quiet time to think and reflect every day. I actually looked forward to this time. Once, I got soaked in a sudden downpour, but that became just another adventure and a funny story.
Today, as I walked, I realized that as I am close to fixing my car, I will have the option to drive. As I mulled it over, it didn't take long for me to concede that I still plan to walk, even with the car fixed.
As I strode along in the crisp November air, I slowly came to the following understanding:
There is a difference between a walk of humiliation and the walk of humility.
A person is forced to walk in humiliation. It is imposed externally and stems from shame. However, the person ignores the root issue, and instead chooses avoidance and denial. While a walk of humiliation may end with a respite to pain, it is only temporary. The root motive and cause remains intact. It may not happen immediately, but that person is bound to meet that pain again.
A person CHOOSES to walk in humility. While external forces may force them to walk, their attitude of acceptance has a transcendent effect on the whole situation so that it becomes a positive learning event.
A walk of humility may start out humiliation, but a person always has a choice to accept reality and submit to the pain of consequences willingly. Their cooperation helps transform the defective part of their personality, usually an extension of ego, so that they learn to overcome the root cause of their mistake. What started as a cringing creep of shame blooms into a positive and restorative journey.
Their pursuit of responsible behavior rescinds the sting of shame and replaces it with dignity and respect.
In time, the walk of humility becomes the path to victory.
🚶 🚶 🚶 🚶 🚶 🚶 🚶 🚶 🚶 🚶 🚶 🚶
